Why You Should Admit There Are Girls On The Internet

So, okay. I frequent /b/, and it's often that you get to hear "TITS OR GTFO" or "YOU'RE NOT A GIRL, LOL" from people not just on the Chan, but everywhere. I find this amusing, because a lot of guys especially from the great planet of Chan wish they had a hot, gaming, nerdy girlfriend.

As you all know, I'm a nerd.

I also am a girl.

Perhaps if the men of the interwebs would accept the possibility (however slight) that there is some supermodel out there with a level 85 paladin, then they'd get to date the said supermodel. By yelling "YOU CAN'T BE A GIRL", the girls decide, "Fuck it. I'll just never say."

On WoW, it's easy to tell who's a girl, and who's a guy. Example:

If the character looks like this, it is possible that it's a girl playing it.

Girls seem to choose the plainest race in the game and play a male. Nobody will hit on them, nobody will bother them, and nobody will come up and ask "Can I join your guild?!" if they don't have a huge rack.

If the character you're grouped with looks like this, however..

It could be either. You really don't know.

How do you know if this is a guy pretending to be a girl just to get that same attention, or a girl who played a female character because she's tired of being Gazroth the Orc Warrior?

So if you're wanting to get a girl who looks like a model and plays that Blood Elf, or lurks that /b/, or whatever it is you do (I don't really want to know)?

I suggest you lurk moar, and proceed to get the "OHMYGOD, YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE GIRLS EXIST ON HERE? YOU'RE SO SWEET, YOU'RE DIFFERENT THAN THE REST OF THEM! C:" treatment from legit girls.

The reason to take my advice. She exists.

AND WITH MY RANT ENDED AS IT SHOULD BE, IN ALL CAPS, I FLY OFF ON MY MAGIC CARPET (300 TAILORING REQUIRED) TO GO AND LEVEL MY COOKING SKILL. (Nosrsly, it's only at 289 and I can get to 525.)

Music That Fits Way Too Well With Unrelated Things

Sometimes, songs you love to listen to can remind you of things that you never thought they would. These songs are all on my iPod, and have given me revelations when I listen to them. They sound a lot like the plots, characters, or scenes from other things- and that's just weird.

1. Mamma Mia - Super Mario Bros.

It's not enough that Mario cries "Mamma mia!" when he dies. It's not enough that he's Italian, and "Mamma Mia" is vaguely Italian somehow. It's also not enough that linking Nintendo to ABBA is really cool.
It is enough, however, that this song is an epic chronicle of his love with Peach.



"Mamma mia, here I go again! My my, how can I resist you?"



The song begins with Mario's lament of, "I've been cheated by you since I don't know when! So I made up my mind, it must come to an end. Look at me now, will I ever learn?"

This, of course, is chronicling the never-really-explained existence of Bowser Jr. Mario's only options are to go on the Maury show, or admit that his beloved princess had a baby with the villain. However, he can't stop going to save her- that would make for a bad game, but it also makes for a good song.

2. Build Me Up, Buttercup and The Princess Bride

Admittedly, this song doesn't fit with the whole movie. It fits perfectly, however, with the beginning, when Wesley is just addressed as "FARM BOY? FAAARM BOY? WILL YOU _______?" and he loves her anyways. Not to mention, it has her name in it.

"FARM BOY?"

Poor Wesley's stuck doing her bidding, although luckily for him she's hot. The song begins "Why do you build me up (build me up), Buttercup baby, just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around?"

He doesn't know. She doesn't either. That's not unusual teenage love, but in this case it's true love, so it's okay that at first she's a manipulative harpy.

"Polish my saddle? I want to see my face shining in it."

3. E.T. - Doctor Who

Now, maybe this is biased because of my unwavering love and adoration of David Tennant. But I've been affirmed by friends that this song is, indeed, about having sex with Doctor Who. We may never know who's the sidekick who got to do it (Amy seems to have gotten pretty close, with the making out on her wedding night and all. But so did Kylie Minogue, whatever her character was.), but someone humped the Doctor.

Boy, you're an alien. 

The song's bridge simply says, "You're from a whole other world / A different dimension / You open my eyes / And I'm ready to go / Lead me into the light".

That is obviously meant to be the Doctor. He is indeed from another world, and he can travel through time (good enough to be dimensions, right? Right.).

Although, Katy does get some things wrong. Namely, she says "You're so supersonic / Wanna feel your powers / Stun me with your laser" when only the supersonic part is right. It's not a laser screwdriver, that would be stupid. It's a sonic screwdriver.

4. Carry On My Wayward Son - The Prince Of Egypt

Yes. Yes, Kansas can totally write a song about Moses and not know it. And I don't mean the actual bible, either- I'm writing about the Dreamworks movie. (The Bible tends to have worse screenshots for me to use.)

Also, I'm totally backed up by this Christian lyrics site. Even though it has no lyrics there. But it's on there, and nobody would have clicked that link anyways!

Not to mention that it sounds a lot cooler when you mute your TV for the river lullaby scene and play this song. Try it, I dare you.

The face of Kansas.

"Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more."

B'AWWW. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

5. Every song by the band Scrum - World of Warcraft Dwarves

Scrum goes from serious beautiful music ("Caledonia") to a song called "The Scotsman's Kilt" about a man wearing nothing under his kilt, passing out on the street, and getting said kilt lifted up by "two young and bonny lasses". For fear of parents, I'll leave it at that.

This was on the Blizzard site when they announced a new festival ingame: Brewfest. If you know Oktoberfest, you know what goes on in Brewfest.

Dwarves are famous for their drinking skills. Scrum sings about drinking. They even have bagpipes! Since the WoW dwarves are supposed to be Scottish, this fits pretty much perfectly.

"The weather's always fine-- no rain in the pub!"

There's never rain if you're too drunk to notice! - paraphrased from Scrum lyrics